We’ve all heard the word “ego” thrown around. Often as something to tame, silence, or shrink. But here’s the truth: the ego isn’t inherently bad. It’s simply a part of us – the voice that seeks safety, recognition and identity in the world.
The challenge? When ego drives the show unchecked, it can pull us further from authenticity and keep us trapped in roles that don’t serve us.
For women in particular, the ego has a complicated role. Society has long rewarded us for fitting into certain molds: the ambitious achiever, the caretaker, the perfectionist. While the ego helps us navigate these expectations, it can also silence our deeper truth.
So how do we balance it? Let’s explore.
What Exactly Is the Ego?
Think of the ego as your self-image, the version of “you” that interacts with the external world. It thrives on identity, labels and validation: the titles on your LinkedIn, the roles you play in your family, even the compliments or criticism you internalize.
The ego isn’t your intuition, your soul, or your essence. Instead, it’s the mental filter through which you see yourself. It helps you function, achieve and move forward, but it can also keep you attached to external measures of worth.
How Ego Shows Up for Women
In ambition: The drive to prove, achieve and be recognized often comes from ego. While ambition is powerful, when fueled only by ego it can lead to burnout and a constant chase for “enough.”
In comparison: Scrolling through social media and feeling less-than? That’s your ego measuring your worth against curated images and external success.
In relationships: The ego may cling to roles – the “perfect partner,” the “always available friend” – even when those roles drain your energy.
In self-perception: The ego can create a fear of failure, rejection, or judgment that keeps you small instead of expansive.
The Shadow & The Gift
The ego has two sides. On one hand, it can push you into overwork, perfectionism and disconnection from your true self. On the other, it can help you build confidence, take bold steps and claim your place in spaces where women’s voices haven’t always been welcomed.
The key isn’t killing your ego, it’s learning to partner with it. To let your intuition and authenticity lead, while allowing your ego to serve as a helpful ally rather than the main driver.
Practical Ways to Rebalance Ego & Essence
Self-awareness check-ins: Ask yourself, Am I doing this for validation, or because it aligns with who I am?
Body over mind: The ego lives in thought loops. Your essence lives in your body. Try grounding with breathwork, yoga, or even placing a hand on your heart before making a decision.
Release comparison: Instead of asking, “How do I measure up?” shift to “What feels true for me right now?”
Celebrate quietly: Not every achievement needs to be posted or praised. Learn to anchor your worth in how it feels, not how it looks.
Compassion practices: When you notice your ego flaring (jealousy, judgment, insecurity), meet it with curiosity instead of shame. Ego is only trying to protect you.
Final Note
The ego isn’t the enemy, it’s part of your human experience. But true freedom comes when you recognize the difference between your ego’s need for approval and your soul’s call for authenticity.
For women navigating modern society, where ambition is applauded but vulnerability is often misunderstood, learning this balance is everything. Because when your ego serves your essence, instead of overshadowing it, you don’t just play the roles society expects. You create a life that feels expansive, aligned and entirely your own.
If this resonated with you, share it with a friend who’s navigating her own dance between ego and authenticity. Let’s rewrite the narrative together.
Much love,
LHW x
